The Longest Night
by charmony
Summary: NPH 14 - Aaron makes progress in his recovery and finds the night he lives in might soon be over with a little help from his children.


**A/N: For those of you who are with me and up-to-date, this piece sits within the timeframe of The Quiet Moments and highlights the reason Aaron returned home from his therapy session moody.**

**Thanks heaps to HPforever-after for hearing my hungry cries regarding reviews and for posting one for The Quiet Moments, even though I don't think the piece itself was that good. You made it worth the time it took to put it down in the processor. **

**Just so you are all aware, The Quiet Moments and this piece are fillers. There may be another piece after this bit and then we'll return to our regular meaty schedule. Just stick with me, the good stuff will be back shortly.**

**This piece is rated M and will be quite dark and some parts may cause distress for younger viewers. Please heed the rating.**

**PLEASE NOTE: This is NPH 14. If you aren't already following this series, I recommend that you make your way to my author profile page and start with NPH 1, as some or all of this will not make sense otherwise.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Criminal Minds at all, although they do own me and I do own Carrie and Toby. **

The Longest Night

"You seem to view falling apart as a bad thing."

"I was always taught that if you fall apart it makes you less of a man. And I don't like thinking that I'm less of a man now, not when I'm needed so badly by those who love me."

Renaldi Burke sighed. "Do you realise that you were lied to growing up? You aren't less of a man, Aaron; you're more of a man now than you've even been because even though it frightens you, you are now in a position to get rid of all the baggage you have ever picked up. You can dump all the negativity that weighed you down as a child and come out the other side cleaner and healthier than you were some weeks ago.

"This isn't to say that it'll be easy; it won't be and I can easily guarantee that it'll hurt like nothing you've ever experienced before. But if you push through the pain and continue to work with me, you'll come out of this on the other side and you'll definitely be intact. And you'll be assured that something like this won't ever catch you unawares again."

"So if this doesn't make me less of a man, does admitting I'm terrified of what you are going to bring up today?"

The man who had somehow become a friend through all this mess grinned. "Nope; it just makes you human."

Aaron sighed and closed his eyes. He'd been seeing Renaldi daily since he was admitted to the hospital and while he couldn't see a difference from the first day to now, he'd been assured, not just by Renaldi but by his wife also, that improvement had definitely snuck up on him sometime in the last few weeks.

Which wasn't to say that he could see it once it was pointed out to him. Half of his day revolved around these sessions with Renaldi and for the other half of the day he worried that his current attitudes and behaviours would push Emily away for good. Whenever he got up the courage to try to explain this to Emily, she always looked like she wanted to whack him over the head but all she would do is cuddle him and assure him she wasn't going anywhere. And while being close to her was just as exhilarating for him as it had always been, the feelings faded fast and as soon as she was out of his sight again, the worry snuck back in and he was right back to square one.

How she coped with him and Jack _and_ two new babies, _all_ of whom at the moment were needy and vulnerable he didn't know, but he figured if he ever got better, he was definitely going to figure out how to reward her for holding them all together when he couldn't.

"Aaron, are you ready to begin?"

He sighed again and nodded. He wasn't too happy about what this week was going to entail, but Renaldi thought he was ready, Emily believed that he could do it wholeheartedly and Elizabeth had told him she'd kick his ass if he didn't do what needed doing so he really had no choice in the matter. He was going back in time to when Renaldi felt this nervous breakdown had really begun to build.

He was going back to his dark past.

He kept his eyes closed as Renaldi posed the first question, "What is the first thing that comes to mind when I ask you to describe your father?"

Into the wilderness he saw now whenever he closed his eyes came an image of the man who had fathered him and he shuddered and whimpered as that man roared with anger and swung a fist the size of a car at a frightened little boy.

"It's alright Aaron; remember you're safe here and tell me what you see."

"He's so big and I'm so little. I can't fight back and I saw him break mum's jaw with one hit once. He'll break me in two, I just know it."

"Aaron, he can't hurt you anymore because he's dead now. Take a nice deep breath for me and open your eyes to your surroundings."

"Can't. If I can't see him then maybe he can't see me and then he won't hit me this time."

"Aaron!"

He jerked and opened his eyes, startled by the force and volume of Renaldi's command. He looked at his friend and therapist in surprise.

"I'm sorry I snapped, but your heart rate climbed through the roof, you were hyperventilating and you had dropped into a little boy's speech that just isn't healthy. Now, breathe deeply for me and leave your eyes open to your surroundings.

"Good. Now, he _was_ big and you _were_ little but you aren't now and he's dead, so he only has as much power over you as you allow him. He used to hit you and your mother but you didn't say anything about Sean."

He shuddered slightly and fixed his eyes on the blood pressure cuff fixed around his upper arm. "He used to hit all of us. Mum would always bear the brunt up until a point and then she'd scream at him to go and find something else to hit. I used to wonder if she was aware he'd go looking for his sons or if she was just too hurt to know the difference."

"But now you know differently?"

He shrugged. "I asked her about it right before I left for college and right after dad died. She admitted that she'd known that he turned on us after she sent him off but that was usually the point where she only cared that he wasn't hitting her anymore so she never did anything about it."

"Right, so in her own way, your mother abused you as well."

"Yes," he said softly.

"Alright, so the first time your dad hit you, how old were you?"

"I think I was four, cause I was in my pyjamas and I was going through a Lego faze and they were the pyjamas I remember wearing when I first knew what pain was really like."

"How did your father die and how did you feel about this?"

"He had cancer. The day he became too weak to hit either of us was a day I rejoiced."

"When you say either of us, you're talking about you and Sean, aren't you? Yet your mother is still alive and well."

"Mother was never well. If she was, she would have left dad the first time he hit her and she _never_ would have allowed him to lay a hand in anger on us."

"So she was a bad mother?"

"Without a doubt. Parents are supposed to protect their children no matter what until they are able to fend for themselves. Mine never did that."

"Do you do that? With Jack, India and Chloe? Protect them, I mean."

"With Jack, absolutely. With the girls, I'm just not sure. I mean I haven't really been able to bond with them the way Emily has."

"Why do you think that is?"

He closed his eyes, but quickly opened them when he saw his father was still there and waiting for him to drop his guard.

"They nearly killed Emily."

"So they aren't worth it?"

He frowned. "Well I didn't say that."

"But you implied it. You'll protect Jack without hesitation from everything that comes his way but not your daughters. You are, in fact, blaming them for nearly killing the wife that you love above all others. What about your breakdown? Do you blame them for that too?"

His frown deepened as he tried to work through what Renaldi was saying.

"What about if I said I could make them disappear. Oh, I'd leave Emily and Jack behind because you obviously love them and cherish them. But I'll take India and Chloe, the reasons Emily nearly died, away and you won't ever have to see them again. They will cease to be an issue for you. What do you say in response to that?"

He felt a growing horror at every word out of Renaldi's mouth. From the moment he'd first held Jack in his arms, he'd known there was _nothing_ he wouldn't do for his son. Then Haley had taken Jack away and his world had started to die around him, even though he still got to see Jack every now and then. Then Foyette had taken them both away from him temporarily. And _then_ he'd taken Haley permanently and he could see Jack as often as he wasn't at work. But that hadn't meant he hadn't felt pain and sadness at the passing of the woman he'd been married to for so many years and who had borne him his precious son.

Then Emily had come back to him and life had returned with her. Such a rich and abundant life that he'd couldn't ever remember having with Haley even in the beginning. With her, he'd had a chance to start over and he had taken hold of it and decided he was never letting go. And then came the knowledge that their love for each other would culminate in the birth of his second child and he'd been over the moon. He'd vowed that this time he would be there from start to finish and he wouldn't miss a moment in between; and he hadn't.

But then had come the blood and the pain and the knowledge that after a few years of marital bliss with Emily, it could all be for nothing. He wouldn't get to die in his sleep an old man looking at the most beautiful woman in the world as she lay beside him.

Everything inside him had snapped, broken; almost beyond repair.

But Emily did still sleep beside him. She still laughed and cried and sung and danced. She still loved him and mothered Jack and now the woman she had been had increased in love and capacity. She hadn't placed blame anywhere for all that she'd been through and all that they were still as a family going through and had in fact shouldered the entire family through her own pain to get them through the darkest moments of their lives together as a family unit.

But the family was no longer just Jack and Emily. Now there were two tiny little girls, the joy in their mothers' eye to consider. He thought about the night they were created, the day he found out they existed, the plans he'd made to protect them and the plans he and Emily had created together to ensure their futures were always bright and filled with love, joy and happiness…

Renaldi watched the emotions flitting rapidly across Aaron's face and was grateful that they'd finally hit the nail on the head with the right hammer. He'd been trying to get them to this moment for the last few weeks and it was a passing comment from Emily, that Aaron didn't ever get anywhere near his daughters, that had made him think that maybe he was coming at things from the wrong angle.

His relief was short lived as the monitor started indicating a rapid raise in heart rate and he watched Aaron's hands curl into fists. Suddenly concerned for his own safety, he started to stand, only to be taken completely by surprise as a roar of pain, anguish and fury mixed with violence to send him across the room and pinned to the wall. Remembering to stay calm was the hardest thing he'd ever done as Aaron started to lift him off his feet.

"If you ever even _think_ about getting close to my girls, I'll flatten you. I'll flatten you and I'll slowly riddle you with bullets until you bleed to death and then I'll bury you and _no one_ will ever find your body."

Renaldi took a slow breath in as he prepared a suitable response, only to be taken by surprise again as he was dropped back to the floor. He stood slowly as he stared at the door ripped half off of its hinges and the blood pressure machine lying tangled with his chair on the floor where they'd obviously been knocked over in the initial surge.

He sagged in defeat as he wondered if he had maybe pushed just a little _too_ hard.

New Section-

He was vaguely aware of Dave trying to make small talk as the older profiler drove him home but all he could see was a red haze and all he could feel was a sense of urgency that pushed him to get to his daughters as fast as he could to ensure he hadn't damaged them beyond repair.

He arrived home and bolted out of the car, striding rapidly for the front door. Even seeing Emily appear with her warm, welcoming smile didn't help anything and he strode past her with barely a glance.

"Dave? Do you know what happened?"

Dave shrugged. "I'm not too sure to be honest. There was a crash from within the room and a furious shout and then he about ripped the door off as he opened it and stalked past me with the clipped proclamation that we were leaving. He hasn't said anything else since and I didn't think I had time to stay and get the low-down from Dr Burke."

She looked like she was on the verge of tears as she murmured that she would call the doctor as soon as she'd checked on her husband.

He kissed her cheek gently, gave her a quick hug for luck and returned to his vehicle as she turned into her less-than-happy home.

New Section-

Aaron slipped into the nursery and shut the door behind him. He doubted that Emily would look for him in here first since he hadn't set foot in the room since shortly before the case in Kansas, so he might have a few minutes to reconcile his emotions before she confronted him about his rudeness.

He looked down at the cradles in front of him. They'd originally only planned the one lot of everything needed for a baby but Emily had arrived home with the twins to find the entire nursery had been given an overhaul and suddenly she had a _lot_ more than she needed of _every_thing for two.

He stood between the cradles and watched the girls sleep and wondered at the sudden fiercely protective feelings threatening to swamp him. And just like when everything had broken inside of him, he felt the solid thunk as a couple of pieces became whole again.

He grimaced slightly as enlightenment touched the long night he'd been living in for the last few weeks like the sun rising in the morning for the first time in a long time. He owed Renaldi a very _big_ apology for his behaviour today. Considering what the man had just done for him, he sincerely hoped he would accept that apology when it was made.

"Daddy?"

He turned his head and held out his arms to his son. Jack's little face lit up and he came racing up. Aaron felt another thunk as another piece landed and he realised that his son had been missing him, even though he'd seen him daily.

"Daddy, mama will cwy if you wake India 'nd Cwoee."

Aaron thought that he might cry as he remembered what the doctor had said about Jack's vocal processor. His son remembered all the words he had learnt or ever heard just as he had before the attack, but the section of his brain that regulated how he spoke had been affected and he was having to see a speech therapist to learn anew how to speak properly.

So he was off having his breakdown and living in his own little self-imposed hell all while neglecting the precious product of his loins and his son was still there loving him and trying to keep him out of trouble.

"It's okay buddy. We'll just be really, really quiet."

"Okay daddy. Wha are we doin'?"

"I'm thinking about how very, _very_ lucky I am to have such an amazing son like you in my life and how very lucky I am to have your little sisters and your mama too. And I'm thinking I'm sorry for not being a good dad lately."

"Is oka daddy. I stiw lowv wou."

He felt the tears start yet again and for the first time since he became an adult, he wasn't ashamed of the emotion welling up in his heart. "And I will _always_ love you buddy, no matter what happens or how distant I seem. I am always here for you and nothing can change how very much I love you."

Jack snuggled closer in his arms and together they watched India and Chloe sleep as the broken pieces in his heart and soul began to mend.

End-

**A/N: Remember, its just a filler, so if you don't think its as good as my other pieces, you're probably right. Sigh. **

**However, if you think it's good, please let me know. Reviews make me smile, cause my heart to sing and just all-around give me warm fuzzies, so please drop me a line and let me know what you think either way. The review link is also conveniently placed below this Note so you don't even have to go looking for it. **


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